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Emotional
Aspects of a Move
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At what age will a child be
most affected by a move? |
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The general rule is "The younger the
child, the easier the move." Younger children depend on parents for their sense of
security so their concerns will revolve around the safety of family members, pets and
important possessions. Older children and teenagers who are working on becoming
independent and establishing relationships outside the family usually experience greater
difficulty and will often express more resistance to the idea of moving. |
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How do you handle a child who
doesn’t want to move? |
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Almost all children express an initial
resistance to the idea of moving simply because they don’t know what it involves, but
children typically follow their parents lead in adjusting to a move. If they try to
understand the child’s feelings and if the family works together to explore their new
community, most children will eventually adapt to their new homes without difficulty. |
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Do you feel that children and
their emotions have a tendency to be overlooked during a family move? |
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In the book "Moving with Children",
I’ve stated that the carton marked "family feelings" is usually the last
one to be packed and loaded onto the moving van. Moving can be a hectic stressful time for
families and sometimes parents get so busy, they can overlook how children are feeling
about a move. That’s why it’s important for
parents to make time to sit down and talk with the kids about their feelings, questions
and concerns about the move. And why it’s important for parents to help kids feel
involved in the move by assigning each child little tasks to do. And why families should
take breaks every so often to relax and enjoy some family time together. |
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Can a move have a
negative impact on a child? |
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Very simply, it can -- but it
doesn’t have to. Moving can be a difficult and
unsettling experience for children because it entails sadness about saying good-bye to
friends and familiar places, apprehension about what their new school and neighborhood
will be like, and possibly even anger about the thought that their parents are forcing
them to move.
Surveys report that many children regard moving to be one of
the most stressful experiences of their life, but with proper planning and teamwork a move
can be an exciting and positive experience for the entire family. This is a very important
subject and is too often overlooked. |
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What’s the one thing a
parent should guard against happening during a child’s move? |
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The most important thing for parents to do
during a move is to make sure that they don’t overlook a child’s reactions to
it. Some children will let you know exactly how they’re feeling by what they say or
how they behave, while others may withdraw and not say a word. But if a child isn’t
asking questions or talking about the move, it may be a signal that he is worried or
anxious about it, and parents need to create opportunities to talk about the move and
reassure the child, although it may seem a bit overwhelming or frightening right now,
eventually it will feel less scary and more comfortable once the family gets settled in
their new home. |
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What signs should parents look
for that might indicate a child is having a difficult time with a move? |
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Every child will react to a move in a
different manner. Some children will let you know exactly how they’re feeling by what
they say or how they behave, while others may withdraw and not say a word, Significant cues to look for during a move that might indicate a
child is having a difficult time are things like: sleep problems or nightmares, excessive
crying, frustration, or outbursts of anger, a reluctance to leave the house or be away
from parents, unreasonable fears or a resistance toward engaging in activities with other
children.
For most children these behaviors should disappear over time
as the child becomes more familiar with his new surroundings, but if they increase or
persist for long periods of time, parents should seek the advice of a pediatrician or
mental health professional. |
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