Preparing
Your Children for the Move
"How and when do we tell our children that we'll be
moving, and is there anything that we can do to make the move easier for them?"
Needless to say, these questions
are not new to parents faced with the prospect of a move. You can take comfort in knowing
that there are a number of things that you can do to make your relocation an exciting and
rewarding experience for your children. The key lies in being sensitive to their feelings and concerns and in making them feel a part of the
process.
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"Children of different ages will have different
reactions to a move," says Dr. Joseph B. Keegan, a certified clinical psychologist.
"What is important to understand is that different age groups tend to miss different
things. Younger children tend to miss familiar people--a favorite teacher, for
example--and safe and secure environments--such as school, even their bedrooms. Older
children--especially teenagers--tend to miss their friends and others in the community
with whom they've developed relationships."
First and foremost, you should tell your children about the
move as soon as possible. A child shouldn't overhear the news by accident.
"For a child," notes Dr. Keegan, "much of the
stress associated with moving relates to dealing with the unknown. Given this, it's
important for you to talk to your children about the move. Share the details that you
think they can understand, encourage their questions, and listen to what they have to
say."
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Involve your children in all aspects of your relocation. If
possible, bring them with you on house-hunting trips; if not, photograph or videotape the
house that you select, as well as the neighborhood and new school.
Allow your children to participate
in planning the move. "When possible," suggests Dr. Keegan, "ask your
children to perform small jobs that are age-appropriate and that can often be made
enjoyable."
For example, you might consider asking your children for
their input regarding the decor and layout of their new rooms. And let them pack a box or
two of their toys, games and other personal belongings.  (Moving Tip #13)
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Dr. Keegan also advises that you encourage your children to
take the time to say good-bye to their friends and maintain ties by having them exchange
addresses and telephone numbers. A letter or phone call to or from an old friend can go a
long way toward boosting the spirits of anyone--especially a child in a strange, new
community.
Provide your children with a sense of continuity. If they're
in the scouts, little league, or a school band or choir, for example, enroll them in the
same or similar activities in the new community as soon as possible.
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With respect to the quality of your children's
education in the new community, don't be afraid to contact teachers and principals at
prospective schools. You have every right to inquire about average test scores, attendance
rates, special programs, teacher/student ratios, and extracurricular activities. For high
schools, ask about accreditation and the percentage of students continuing on to college.
While many parents consider the summer months to be the best
time to relocate to avoid disrupting their children's education, many families who've
moved before have learned that there are definite advantages to moving during the school
year.
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If you arrive in a new community during the summer, you're
likely to find that organized activities are already under way, and it may be too late for
your children to participate. Often, neighborhood kids are on vacation or away at camp
during the summer, making it difficult to make new friends immediately. And at the
beginning of the school year, teachers may not have extra time to pay special attention to
the needs of the "new kid at school." 
When a child transfers during the school year, however
teachers and students have already overcome those "back to school" transitions,
and teachers have more time to spend to help orient the transferred child to his or her
new school. Transferring during the school year provides a much better means of meeting
other children. Finally, your child benefits by getting into a daily routine with school
and related activities.
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Dr. Keegan notes that, although a move can be stressful,
most children adjust quite well in a very short period of time. "However," he
warns, "don't overlook some of the warning signs that may indicate a child is having
difficulty adjusting. If a child has difficulty sleeping, is irritable or has outbursts of
anger, or avoids making new friends, it may be useful to seek the advice of your
pediatrician or other professional."
Overall, the single most important factor that determines
how well a child copes with a move is the parents' attitude. If Mom and Dad position the
relocation as an exciting adventure--if they focus on the opportunities for the entire
family--children will be far more likely to accept the situation in a positive manner.
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A New School